Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
