Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
