he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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