the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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