Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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