Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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