marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
