Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
