roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
