aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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