I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize