She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
