There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
