I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
