I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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