Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
