idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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