Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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