Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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