When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
