JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
