It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
