I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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