I want to walk on stilts...naked
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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