Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
