Im at strip club and am horny
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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