Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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