Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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