I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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