omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize