I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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