she was so not down for the gang bang
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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