Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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