Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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