i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
