hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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