you're like a bully in the Christmas story
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
