I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
