i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
