if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
