She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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