i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
