On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were trust falling into bushes
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