I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
babies were throwing up all over the place
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
