im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
