I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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