Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
