He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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