my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
