Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
