Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
