I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
