On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You left your phone here
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