my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
