theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
