So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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