if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
