i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
