i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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