mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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