It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
