Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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