Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Houston, we have a blender
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
