U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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