did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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