My first STD was from a foam party
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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