I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
