The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
