the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
