I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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