i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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