i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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