Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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