I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
