God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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