Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
