You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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