Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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