Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
