Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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