Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
