how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
