Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
