I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
