i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
