Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
